A Living Heart

At wits end I balance;

Balancing,
I tight rope walk on feet that are raw,
hold in a pulsating primal scream of release,
That might offend other’s ears;

A caregiver,
I gather the weight,
The pain,
The scars
and the “I just cant”-s in a container of compassion, composed of empathy;
My beating heart feels the pressure
To do and hold it all;
And to yet remain softened,
While the beating muscle toughens from use,
And so
At times I fall
I melt,
Like the tears from my own eyes,
I collapse into that of which I am most made
Water,
And of this substance
I may release,
Relax,
Soothe, and soak
heal a living heart,
And from this recompose.

Sacred Spiral

The spiral is sacred,
A divine unfolding,
A turning that brings us close,
but never exactly returning to where we have been before,
No, this is always another space, another moment,
This is our journey through life,
Measured by what we know of as “time”,
We spiral, out into who it is we are,
Creating a path that curves
And curls
That tilts,
And teaches us balance
And all the other lessons on the way,
Moving on this spinning orb in the heavens,
That too spirals,
May we individually remain steady,
Flowing around, up and out,
On each our own sacred spiral.

Grounding

Sodalite,
Smooth and fitted to my palm,
I hold this tight in my hand,
Anchoring my concerns in this small stone,
To lighten my own vessel,
To smooth over jagged edges of anxiety,
That lights like struck flint, within my core,
Breathing,
Soft, cool air streams through passages,
Into my being,
A worried heart slows in pace,
Patient breaths repeat,
Palm still cradling stone,
My mouth opens
And words sheltered in the cavern of throat
Carefully, thoughtfully, tenderly escape,
My belly pushes forth these sounds in composite form,
As fingers swirl around a hard stone base-
Not visible to my own eye,
But dark blue, brown, and black with delicate lines of white, in memory
From this space, I pull my strength,
Am reminded of my connection to the Earth,
To the interconnected web of existence,
I am made steady,
To pull from myself what I long to communicate;
Grounded,
I am strong.

Bide My Time

I am tired,
Of the painful ache,
Of just,
Just always being out of reach of
A goal,
A something
A something good
That I have patiently waited for…

Desire is a sort of test,
A distraction;
What is not meant for you
Will not come,
No matter how long one waits;
What is meant
Will not pass you by.

Patiently, I bide my time.

A Hit

You got what you want from me,
A hit,
Just enough to satiate
Your need,
But it’s not me
Or her,
Or her,
Ever,
It’s the chase,
The thrill
Of getting it,
Adoration;
You crave,
When each one caves
And in our caves, you sneak,
So willingly allowed
For love is our aim,
But surprise!
It’s all
Just
An illusion.

9/11: Years Later

911,
Whats your emergency?

The world as we knew it ended,
And we are still picking up the pieces
And will be,
Indefinitely,
From the impact and blowback,
For years into the future,
And for somethings we won’t
Even be sure why,
Though we will remember,
In our lived history;
Memory survives.