En Garde

Tension mounted,
Coils in belly,
Nerve ends alive,
On fire,
I am on guard,
And vigilant
Of the unknown

A threat is present,
I feel in my bones,
And I must remain
Present,
Prepared,
Awake,
Aware,
Well,
And able
To protect my keep

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Another Path

August 12, 2017
I will not go
That way again,
Following imaginary trails,
To woeful ends,
Seeing cages as castles,
And cliffs as bridges,
Dancing with snowmen,
This is ending
Before it is beginning

30 Going on 15

On the edge of
15.
Pick a job
Any job
What would you like to be?
Career?
Your life.
Choose it.
Pick, pick, pick
Pick pick
Tick, tick, tick
Choose wisely.
Sign,
Here.
And here.
You like to do that thing that you mentioned,
that I wasn’t listening to,
and doesn’t matter because you can’t
make money, money,
money, doing
That
Here?
Thing
Here, here
Here, just take this and that,
and all those, and fill, and sign, here
And here,
And you had a question?
I couldn’t-
Here
Here
Here
And Here
Here you’ll find that anything you do has a paper trail
Change?
No, None here
Here the ink is permanent
That would waste too much
Time to work, work.
Now what was your occupational activity?
Oh yes, that one.
It doesn’t make much money, money
But somehow you’ll have to
Pay at the front,
We accept cash, credit, stocks, bonds, blood
Money to live
To learn,
Money for true happiness
For a good education,
Picket fence,
Marital bliss,
A dog, a house, a car,
2.5 kids.
What? You chose
See page 2000,
Its standard contractual arrangement,
See,
And you’ve already completed parts 4, 5, and 6
A change in the contract brings us back here
We’ve put you together,
Now we must tear you apart.
Now the parts you didn’t read,
You should have before!
No! No tears! There’s no time,
Hurry, you’re a mother,
An adult,
You’re about to be 30!
Now all you have are debts,
Your accomplishments
P(no school, past jobs, and your children don’t count),
Your finances,
Your failures,
Your reason for these claims,
Let’s spread them out.
Trauma? Relive every moment,
and then we’ll “figure something out”.
Childcare? No.
That’s something you must arrange
Should have been better prepared,
For this
For life. You don’t live and learn,
You best just know,
Count the cards just don’t get caught,
This is life,
the luck of the draw,
with notarized agreements.
Ok, you’re complete. Welcome to 30.
Please gather your child, your memories, triumphs, and trials,
and move back half your life,
to 15.

Next.

Beginner

Written 2005

Please forgive me
For my inexperience,
My awkward footing,
These shoes are new
–A little too big,
Though they looked
Like they would fit,
I will grow into them
If you give me time,
I know the right footwork
I have seen it before,
Just never danced
a tango for two
And of course,
Like I mentioned
–the shoes

Trust me,
I am not always this shy
That is just a part
Of my inexperience
That we will need to get by

Sometimes I am too bold
Forgive me for this
–Out of the loop
For far too long,
Sorry,
If I come on too strong
I will get the hang
If you just take the lead
Sorry, again,
If I forget to breathe

And sorry for all of my apologies
Please,
Just don’t let me dive in too deep

Disappearing

July 31, 2017

Fear in insanity
Made her make precautionary paths
Then erase footsteps behind her
Made her fear
Plots in every thing
Worst intentions everywhere
Her disappearing act
Complete
She bleached herself
From existence
No tracks left
To realize
Everything she feared
Was internal
And was eating her alive
Trying to understand what went wrong
She finds rare forgotten pieces of herself now

Dust to Dust

October 28, 2006

Oh dearest love,
oh butterfly,
Stay a moment in my palm
For my pure adoration
Your camouflaged complexion
Fools my fickle eye

I hold tightly
Closer still
For fear that you will fly
And suddenly
As I try to calm
Thy fluttering
Dissolving
Thy powered wings
You die

Butterfly
How I have forgotten
How fragile you may be
My painted admiral
Lost within the chaos
My heart
My love
Reduced to fairy dust

Passion of the Child

July 2, 2006

Child,
is it worth the forfeit
This life you think you know?
Never to meet the dawn
Nor the sunset
That is always
Anew

Child,
So young,
What do you know?
What does the world know
Of you?

Suffer the day
Fight until dusk
But determine to taste
The fruit born
Of your tears
To do so,
bask in another morn’ s sun
You must