Hold You

Hold me
I want you to hold,
To lay close to your beating heart,
As close as we are now apart,
I want
To comfort your being
Of all the fears that pass over your brow,
I want to kiss away tears
That escape your tiring eyes,
I want to love you,
As I was always meant to,
Holding you close,
Like there are no barriers between us,
And I take your name,
As if we are one,
And the same,
May our hearts beat as one,
For always,
My love.

And Even Then…

Is this the anxiety male counterparts typically feel,
A coming of age that aches with pangs of hope and fear?
Of possible humiliation
And unrequited feelings;
Laid bare,
Like guitar strings never plucked?
I am lost,
In knowing what I want,
What I’m willing to do and be,
But I’m stepping into shoes that feel too big for me,
Sized 17 to be exact,
Sized for you,
And it fit so perfectly,
Until
I undid us,
Untied it all,
Left us dangling
In my insanity
And now
Now I’ve grown,
I’ve learned,
We’ve grown,
We’ve learned,
And now I want,
I want,
Gluttonous I want nothing but this
And more of this
Of us,
Because I cannot imagine a day
A night,
A moment
That you’re
not,
Nor a moment
That you’re not in
my life,
I would go to the ends of the Earth,
If it meant you might have a moment of peace,
I would bear unspeakable pain
If it meant you could share my greatest gift,
I would go without love,
If I could not have yours,
For you are something
I was undeserving of,
That I was too naïve and fragile to be entrusted with,
And yet you trusted me still.

I am foolish to expect second chances,
Or perhaps fate was never meant to be questioned by a fool,
And opportunity and courage are devised to set things right,
I have never loved as I love this one,
This man that I know, and who knows me,
For whom I am suddenly speechless;
Breathless,
Wanting nothing
but
Every ounce of his being to want and need my own,
And For promises of wizened lovers
Of “until death do us part,”


And even then…

Collision

Blunt beep of a monitor,
Calling out because you’re not
Connected,
Needing you near,
Needing you here,
Testing,
Testing,
Testing your
Vital signs,
Signing for life,
Making sure you are
Here,
I wait for you,
And you enter,
Bruised and broken,
Like you’ve just come from a fight,
I smile thinking of the joke you’d make,
About “you should see the other guy,”
“Who are you?” You ask me,
“Who?”
You smile,
Your humor has not been injured,
It is your coping mechanism,
To handle the shock, the disappointment,
The fear, the anger
Over what a collision means
For you,
For all of us,
Your wounded body needs delicate, precise, firm attention,
To bandage trauma more than skin deep,
To mend your pride,
To salve your independence,
This is not an easy fix,
This is a 10000 piece jigsaw,
With pieces missing,
Worn edges to mislead,
This takes trust, takes time, takes patience,
Perseverance,
Takes love,
Love,
And more of it still.

Kaleidoscope

I am running,
But I’m losing breath,
No time to check the time,
Time is always running
Parallel to my destination,
I’m always late at the station,
I pump harder
Fear I might die,
Sprout wings,
And see me, watch me
fly.
I’ve never been up here;
Up high,
Never seen the masses from such a distance,
To see they gather
Following my vision,
As we all see the dream,
Through different eyes
The gaze,
Beautiful the colors as they shift,
Align, and fluidly create,
Our dreams put to fruition,
Are gaining speed,
As they turn into items, feats,
That were once loose imaginings,
This is our kaleidoscope
Of a wise black spirit,
That lovingly absorbs all the colors

Present Memory

She thought of us
always,
Out of sight,
never out of mind,
I received from her,
belated Christmas presents
today,
She passed in September,
Ametrine pendant,
And silver bangle,
Elegant,
Priceless,
Timeless,
Like her memory,
Her love
That lives on in and of me,
Though
Out of sight she may be,
She is everywhere in present memory.

Black Joy

I need more joy,
Inside my world,
My spirit in need of uplift, of sustenance,
So many tales of those dark skinned like me,
Being taken for granted,
lives taken,
so many brothers, sisters
in need of reminder
that black is beautiful,
and also of joy,
deserving.